


We knew that day would come

by SatanicMe



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Aunt Maze, Bittersweet, Dad Lucifer, Death, Drinking, F/M, Heartbreak, Sadness, Sickfic, Suicide, it hurts to read, really awful sad story, sad and fluff but then sad again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-06 22:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15895191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanicMe/pseuds/SatanicMe
Summary: "Don't be sad."Lucifer sits in a bar and drowns himself in alcohol on Chloe's birthday. It's really not a good day for him





	1. Chapter 1

He couldn't believe he did this. Drowning himself with cheap distasteful self made vodka that tastet like shit. Especially in that ugly bar where stains of blood and piss were clearly visible.

It was her birthday and the devil was grieving. Oh bloody hell, how delighted would all these damned sinning priests be claiming that he finally got some payback as if his fall and the shunning did not count.

"Refill please.", he ordered with a emotionless voice the sweaty fat barkeeper who followed then the simple instructions.

_"Please don't be sad, Lucifer. We knew this day would come."_

He still could hear her beautiful voice as if she was still with but he knew that she wasn't. His incredible infuriating love was now away and he felt like his heart been ripped in shreds again.

How could he not be sad? Yes, he always had known that the day would be coming but that didn't mean he was ready for it.

Ready to be apart from her for eternity.

Never being able again to hear that chiding melodic voice of hers, never being scolded for his cluelessness, never feeling her soft and warm lips locking with his own.

_"Don't dare to ever assume that my father's plan is a good one!", he shouted furiously throwing the couch through the wall of her office._

He had seen that he was scaring her but she was so naive. Just because she believed that the allmighty was not that cruel, that Lucifer might have misunderstood his plan because there was no way God could be so cruel.

No, he had never let his own son be killed. Or let a whole nation wander around the desert for another forty years after they had doubted him because they had been slaves before his merciful rescue.

Had he not killed innocent newborns in his wrath, the loving god?

" _How can you know your father has not changed for the better and you might be able to gain forgiveness from him?"_

_Wait- "I DON'T! But that DOES NOT proof anything! Ask a poorly abused child that had never seen anything else except the hitting hand from his father and then been away for several decades from the torturer 'How can you know that your father has not changed for the better?'"_

_"That's something else- You had incited a rebellion against him and started a war-"_

_"I DID IT SO THAT BASTARD WOULD GET WHAT HE DESERVES! HEAVEN IS NOT PERFECT!"_

_The flames that now were shooting out of his hands ignited the wooden furniture of the office._

_"He took away the only good thing I had in my life."_

_Beginning to sob he broke down in the inferno of the flames not hearing the pained cries of help from the doctor._

_When he finally stopped it had been already too late for her._

He crashed his glass on the counter breaking it into thousand little pieces without even getting a single scratch.

Damn immortality. Just was there too remember him that she was not around. Not anymore.

Looking warily the barkeeper watched the injury free hands of the devil who also seemed to be very careless with whatever was happening around him because of the manner he drowned and destroyed glasses of pure alcohol.

The barkeeper slowly wanted to reach for the telephone but was stopped.

"Don't if you want to survive this night."

Shivering he had retracted his hand and went back to cleaning another glass for another drink for this strange creepy fellow.

" _Why are you always so angry?", the detective asked him while she was caressing his cheek._

_They laid naked to each other on satin blanket in his bed with their faces just few inches away._

_"It is because I have encountered true evil and seen the cruelty this world is capable of."_

_"Smile. I am with you now. Please smile for me, I don't want to lose you."_

He was able to recall every of these seemingly meaningless words of that night. Yet he could not smile for that night. Not without a hint of anger hidden behind these several masks he had created so carefully.

She saw it but she understood. Out from everyone she was the only one who understood why he was the way he was.

Why he had always a smutty response ready for her, a careless attitude to others and was so furious when someone lied to him.

She had known all of him.

And now she was gone.

_"I can't smile for you. Not after the eons I have lived through. Sorry, my love."_

The bitter taste and the burning yet short lasting sensation accompanied him and was kinda similar to how he felt.

Bitter like a broken man.

_Chloe hung over the toilet the third time that week. Although she reassured him everything was alright he had a bad feeling._

_But he didn't say anything. Instead he took care of the spawn when she was resting exhausted from the barfing and kept that child distracted so that she would not see how ill her mother grow to look like._

_He woke the little girl up in the mornings, made her breakfast and packed her lunchbox before shooting her out of the house and watching her out from the window driving away in the school bus._

_Simultaneously he kept cooking healthy meals that his love should be able to keep down in her unsettled stomach. But as she threw up another time everything changed._

_There had been blood in the toilet._

"Give me the bottle."

This alcohol was not strong enough to be drunk in glasses. At least not for his metabolism. But his bar was crashed, his club was a ruin and other barkeepers already had fled before he even entered their bars.

Looking at his reflection in the glass of the bottle Lucifer noticed how utterly distraught he looked.

Whatever.

Fuck his reputation.

He just wanted to drown this pain. It was like everything had just happened yesterday.

" _Miss Decker, do you want your boyfriend to be with you or to be alone when I tell you the news?", the doctor asked pointing to him while the detective was laying in one of these horrible hospital beds with that ugly gown._

_"He stays.", she said confident but Lucifer heard the slight tremble in her voice._

_The doctor sighed._

_"Miss Decker I have good and bad news for you. The good ones are that your life expectancy is about one year long due the late diagnose. The bad news are that you have rare kind of cancer that we cannot treat and therefore not cure."_

He wished he was able to forget these words that kept on hunting him in his dreams but he couldn't.

Every time he closed his eyes he heard these frightening revelation.

And everything he could do was feeling helpless and guilty because he had burnt his wings. He could not heal her.

He had thrown away the only chance that could have saved her in cause of a childish fit.

_In that moment Lucifer realized the price he had to pay then._

"Another bottle!"

_Beatrice had noticed that something was wrong when she came home and Lucifer responded to her hug by hugging her back and almost suffocating her._

_And her mother was not home._

_"Lucifer? Why are you hugging me back? I mean I don't mind but you don't hug normally because you claim you don't like hugging."_

_Then she saw the reddish and swollen eyes of her friend. What was going on?_

_"I just... your mother... she is not well."_

_"Will she get better?"_

_"I fear not, my child."_

This revelation had crushed the child completely. Trixie, the detective's happy spawn, had turned to a silent child.

Although she did not act out by causing trouble or running away Lucifer watched her with a sad expression when she was busy reading instead of running all around the flat playing in imagined worlds where she would have been fighting against dragons.

Lucifer hated how he destroyed both their life's because he had burned his wings.

He was an angel that was older than the world itself and had power that even battled God himself.

Still he was not able to save the detective or stopping the spawn from turning depressed.

_After Chloe had finally released from the hospital some days later she looked like she had aged years in that week._

_The shock had been still fresh and things had to be settled. But on that they the all of them sat on the couch without talking a word, ate ice cream and watched Trixie's favorite Disney movies without a single complaint of him._

_He did not mind._

_He had not been working anyways._

_He also saw that Chloe was too tired for the conversation._

"Reach me that vodka over there!"

The barkeeper did. But he also stared at the devil wondering what had happened to crush the man.

"Did you break up?", he heard the fat man ask cautiously.

"No.", he answered before emptying the bottle in record time.

_Shockingly when they had finally had the conversation it went surprisingly good. Too good._

_Maybe it had been Lucifer's denial about the nearing death of his love that had kept the conversation from turning into a fight._

_Maybe it had been the missing color of Chloe's skin, the grey turning hair, the fallen in eyes, the rings, her shuddering, and the fact she had lost much of weight had been the reason that he did not tell how scared he truly felt._

_He kept on his brave mask for her and she did not even notice._

_On the day after the conversation the both of them went into the precinct and received several worried glances and get well soon cards. But as Chloe had given her resignation letter with Lucifer's to the lieutenant the elderly woman just said that she hoped for them to enjoy the time they had left._

_Later they met up with Ela and Dan in private at Lucifer's club while Mazikeen was watching the child._

_They were shocked._

_Ela had thrown out her cross neckglace from the window chanting furiously against the sky for good being so cruel._

_Dan just shrugged saying "Well, that sucks."_

Why.

His head fell on the cold counter as he started to wail silently in sorrow "Why?".

The barkeeper disappeared probably taking his chance to flee from the strange man that could drink without limits and break glass in his hands without a cut.

But to Lucifer's surprise the fat man came back with a cup of hot chocolate which was then put right next to the wailing devil.

Looking up from where the sweet smell originated Lucifer noticed the cup of sweet darkness. Perplexed he then stared at the older barkeeper in front of him.

"It's on the house."

A simple response.

"Why? Don't I scare you?", he questioned confused. Normally people run away.

"Yes you do. But you are a grieving man. I see your life had been shit. I don't care if you are a crazy demon out on a killing spree or not. Everybody deserves a hot chocolate in a though time."

"I am no demon."

"Well that's good."

"I disagree."

_Months have passed and things have changed. The three of them had moved out of the city in a nice land house with a beautiful scenery everywhere around._

_Mazikeen had moved in, too, and took Trixie on many trips around the world. When the child was at home, Lucifer would home school her with the assistance of Chloe._

_In the evenings they sat outside in the garden watching the stars._

_It was lovely._

_But Chloe's health became worse. She began soon to sleep into the day and went to sleep at early hours. Sometimes Lucifer caught her throwing her meal into the trash._

_Other times he heard her hanging above the toilet. It became a struggle for her to go on a walk with Trixie and Lucifer as she often lost grow tired on the way._

_Once Lucifer had caught her being on the phone with her layer. She was talking about transferring legal guardianship to someone else._

_Then a week later when they had been alone, Chloe gave him a letter pleading him to sign it._

_He officially had adopted the urchin. When Trixie heard of that she smiled the first time since the revelation of her mother's sickness and they all celebrated laughing all the evening playing stupid board games._

_A week later Chloe fell of the stairs and was admitted to the hospital._

"I am the devil. The firstborn who got kicked out of home. I could have rescued her. Instead I lost her."

He too a sip of his chocolate and chewed on the half molten mini marshmallows.

If he did not distaste everything related to the heavenly dicks so much, Lucifer would have said the sweet drink tasted divine.

_The cancer had became worse than anticipated and tumors were spread everywhere in her body._

_Chloe had decided to be sedated because there was no reason for fighting left. She had already spoke with Trixie who then had left the room to leave Chloe and Lucifer alone._

_"Please don't be sad, Lucifer. We knew this day would come.", she said to him as he broke out in tears._

_"How could I not be sad when the love of my life is dying? Tell me darling, would you not cry for me, too?", he said holding her shaking skeletal hand looking in her sullen green eyes._

_"I want you to be happy, Lucifer. Don't cry over what we could not have and remember the good times. Wasn't trying sex mind blowing?", she joked trying to lighten his mood and made him chuckle._

_"Yes, it was. I just... wish I could have saved you. Seeing you here at the brink of death is the price I have to pay."_

_"It is not your fault, my sweet devil. You could not have known at the time. But if it matters I forgive you anyways. Goodbye, my love."_

_Chloe Jane Decker closed her eyes on the 1st day of June 2016 with sun brightening up her sunken in face and birds singing in the trees_.

"Well, we all have things we regret. But that's life. Shit happens, we have to accept it and move on. Otherwise we die."

Lucifer grinned weakly.

"Yeah. Remember the good moments."

_"Are you the current boyfriend of the deceased Mrs. Decker, Mr. Morningstar?", a young nurse asked him nervously._

_"Yes I am."_

_"Did you know that she was pregnant?"_

_Wait. She had a child? But would they not have known? Sure she felt sick many times but she had cancer. And the possibility of her becoming pregnant again were almost near zero._

_"No"_

_"Then congratulations. She had carried your son for six months and a half and he is now on the station for the early born babies. It is a miracle that he survived and stayed healthy considering the circumstances."_

_"He is... alive?"_

_"Indeed. Do you want to see him?"_

_"Yes_."

  
Smiling sadly at the fond memory of finding out about their son Lucifer sighed realizing he had to go home because Trixie was going to go back to school tomorrow.

Laying out several five hundred bucks he then stood up and said his goodbyes.

_„Hello little guy.“, he greeted the small baby in the glass box. „I am your dad,John Lucas Morningstar.“_

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. It hurts even after all this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years have passed and the Morningstar family had grown older.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually this chapter was supposed to be well... soothing. But yeah... it turned bad.
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Suicide

6 years later...

"Come on, Beatrice. It's time to get up. Or you will be late for school.", Lucifer shouted from the kitchen while he made the pancakes for breakfast.

In the meanwhile Maze had the task to wake up the other little troublemaker John, who was just as stubborn as his father and not quite fond of the thought of having to get up early in the morning.

"Leave me alone, Auntie Maze. I want to sleep.", he grumbled but you need to do more than that to stop a demon fulfilling her task.

Without any chance of flight she took the little boy out his bed while he was still dressed in a cute Darth Vader Pyjama he had gotten last Christmas from his dad.

The boy had always preferred the bad guys, who in the end turned out to be actually one of the good. They all remembered him of his dad.

Though he still did not like being forced out of his sleep and struggled in the fierce grasp of the demon trying to find a way out.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

Trixie had awoken during the chaos going on in the apartment and decided to join her family in the kitchen since otherwise she would be her aunts next victim.

Even for the now almost grown up once upon a time little girl the demon had found a space in her cold heart Maze had no mercy when it was time for school.

Every child had to go through this torture.

Some minutes later her small brother finally had calmed and sat down on his seat at the dinning table too, although he still pulled a grumpy face.

Seeing her brother pouting in such a familiar way as her step-Satan while she was drinking her glass of milk led to a clothe debacle as she spit out laughing uncontrollably all the milk on Lucifer, who was serving breakfast.

"Oh see what you have done, spawn! You just ruined my suit! Now I have to change.", Lucifer complained annoyed at the debacle before he had served everyone on the table their pancakes and joined the little family, too.

"After all these years you are still complaining about me ruining your suit? Seriously dad? If mum was here, she would give you a slap for your childish behavior."

She had started to eat her breakfast as she without even thinking mentioned her mother in front of her dad, who suddenly grew silent and absent.

Maze shot Trixie a slightly angry look what made her then notice what she had just said even though Lucifer still did not like speaking about her deceased mother.

It had been years since Beatrice had last seen her mother in a hospital bed on the brink of death while Lucifer was shaking and holding her weak and bony hand.

"Why are you all looking so sad?", her completely oblivious little half brother asked while he was chewing his pancake with a open mouth.

Oh dear Step-Grandfather, whom she had the desire to kick in his holy balls, that sight was really nothing she needed to see especially when her mother came up in the conversation.

"John, could you please first swallow your pancake before you decide to speak?! It's just so ugh! Weird!"

Lucifer chuckled and simply shook his head in a amused manner.

"Didn't your mother scold you for the same thing when you were in your brother's age?", he then reminded her with a knowing glance making her roll her eyes.

"I only did it when I ate chocolate cake. You know how much I loved it."

She loved chocolate cake to her core but it had been years since she had even touched one because the cake had always painfully reminded Trixie of her mother and brought back all these horrifying pictures of her mother's ill land crumbled facade.

But she remembered how much sheer joy she always experienced when she got chocolate cake from anybody.

Maybe it was finally time to move on.

"Chocolate cake? Daddy can you make Trixie's love cake? Please I want to try it!"

Innocent eyes looked pleadingly at the devil, who was despite his reputation a very cheesy and caring father to both of his children that were not both bounded to him by blood.

Smiling at the melting face of her Step-Satan Maze interrupted that incredible adorable father-son moment laughing at Lucifer recalling the old times.

"Here the Devil's cold heart melts with nothing more than a simple glance. King of hell, the adversary himself, beaten by his own son! If somebody had told me that while we were still in hell I would incarnated him for daring to insult the boss for being weak."

"Who did yesterday carve when we were choosing a movie for movie night and Beatrice wanted to see 'Beauty and the Beast'?"

"Who broke out in tears when we moved on watching 'Midnight Sun'?"

"Who could not the old teddy bear in the park that had been a gift from the spawn?"

"Seriously? We are now using the heavy weapons? Who could not even tell the boy his mother's name when he came home from preschool with the task of making a family tree?"

The moment Maze brought up that emotional moment nobody had even dared to mention until now she regretted it.

Lucifer suddenly shut down and disappeared from the kitchen. The forceful shut of the balcony door and the breaking glass indicated how much the demon had upset her old friend.

"Why is daddy angry? Why does nobody tell me about mommy?"

Beatrice was now really not in the mood for school. This day just was horrible.

"Maze. Can you please call the school and tell them Johny and I are staying home today"

Doing as told Maze dialed the schools number while Trixie ordered to get ready for a walk.

She watched him go confused to his room but he still got ready and did not forget to brush his teeth. Although he was like his father a trouble maker trough and through he still had a sense for following rules.

Except the unfair ones of course. There did even Johny rebel although he was merely six years old.

While waiting for her little half brother Trixie put on her black military boots and went to the balcony. Glass splitters laid on the floor, the door frame was cracked and her father smoked a cigarette like always when he had a bad day.

He had these often but only Maze and she knew it because of his cigarette habit.

It was like a part of her favorite angel had died with her mother too. Trixie wondered sometimes if Johny had been the reason why she had not lost her devilish father back then.

"Hey dad. Do you mind if I take John for a walk to the park? I just... he asked about mum and I think it's time."

"Oh yes. Just remember to let Maze call the school."

Lucifer turned around with red swollen eyes as if he had cried just a moment before and that broken look Trixie had witnessed just very rare times when her stepfathers day had been really bad.

"Have a nice walk. I'll just bake a cake for later..."

He missed her. The both of them missed her mother. Her passing had destroyed both of their life in its own way.

Trixie had started getting nightmares soon after her mother's death and had to visit a child therapist as teachers noticed her anti social tendencies she developed and her anger issues.

The move back to LA had been after her mother's death while they had been organizing the funeral.

For a long time it seemed like nothing was changing for the better even though they had their little innocent sunshine John.

Who now had almost ran above the broken glass pieces if Trixie had not reacted earlier and picked him up to carry him to the front door.

"Come on, put your shoes on. We are going out."

"Why?"

"We are going to the park where our mother always took me when I had been in your age."

\---

The sun shined and other children were playing in the playground while Trixie and John were finishing their ice on a bench.

"Are you sad because I remembered you of mommy?", Johny asked with worry in his voice.

"Yeah. But it is ok. Dad and i knew both the day would come when you start to ask questions."

"How was mommy? Was she so funny like daddy?"

"No. Definitely not. Mom's jokes were always horrible embarrassing. She was serious, too. Had a strong sense for justice that even battled dad's. When she had a bad week because of work she would always make it up with chocolate cake. Nobody could force her into doing something that went against her morals. Dad had tried for months to even get her to say yes to an first date." And a sleepover,too. But that was a story for another time.

"Was daddy in love with mommy? Is that the reason why he saddens when I only mention her?"

"Yes. He always made her smile. It did not matter how bad her day was or how bad she felt. Dad always managed a way to light up mom. Though he had infuriated her quite many times, too, because he loved seeing her angry. If you ever have a girlfriend don't try to do the same. Dad is just an exceptional person."

"What happened? I know other children who have no mommy or daddy too, but theirs just broke up because they stopped loving their daddy or mommy. Did mommy break up with daddy?"

"No. They loved each other too much to even stay apart. Sometimes things happen that are very cruel and fuck up our life."

"Did something 'fuck up' your life?"

"Yeah. I was around the age of eight when i got the news that our mother was having cancer."

"What is cancer? Isn't that a star constellation?"

Of course her six year old brother would already know about the stars with Lucifer being the one who had once placed them in the sky.

"Yes, it is. But I did not mean the star constellation. You know how I sometimes don't feel well because I am sick? Our mother was sick too but she had been very sick and her illness had the name cancer. It makes defected cells uncontrollably grow."

"Is it like weed that Daddy is always ripping out of the garden because it does otherwise destroy all the other plants?"

"Yes, cancer works similar to weed. Sadly we all had noticed to late and couldn't 'ripe out' the cancer anymore."

"Did she die?"

Unlike most children in his age John already knew of the concept of life and death and heaven and hell. This knowledge had been a part of Lucifer's Sunday lessons where he taught both of his spawns about the grand plan of the universe and how it worked. Science was a big part of it, too, but the angelic variant was far more less complicated than the human one.

"Yeah. But do want to know a secret?"

"Secret? What secret?"

"On the day she died we, dad and me, had been witnesses of a true miracle."

"I don't understand."

"Of course not. How could you? Nobody had told you yet. Dad didn't choose your second name because of its similarity to his own. He chose it because it meant light. You were the miracle. Mom was pregnant with you but nobody knew and somehow even though she was death sick you survived."

"Oh..."

On the way home Trixie visited with the boy the grave after they had bought some flowers on the way.

Both stood there for a while in silence being deep in their own thoughts while they paid their respects by remembering the dead.

On the gravestone stood a personal message Lucifer had let engrave on it.

> **With the force of thousands suns**   
>  **She brought joy in an angels life,**   
>  **made her daughter smile**   
>  **and left back a miracle**   
>  **As she closed her eyes.**
> 
> **May she rest and watch over her family's life.**
> 
> **Safe up in heaven between the stars.**

In the meanwhile said devil stared from his balcony up to the sky with a cigarette in his one hand and a lighter in his other.

As he tried to light the deathly paper stick a soft breeze of air killed the little dancing flame of his lighter like all these years ago when he asked his father why.

Why he had taken away his first friend just so soon after Lucifer met him?

Why had he taken away his first and only love, that had known and understood him as the person he was neither being blinded by the monstrous mask nor by his divine origins.

Why had his father brought so much suffering upon his family?

"Why did you do that, dad?", Lucifer asked even thought his incredible stunning detective had died already so many years ago.

The last time he questioned was at a bar when the first birthday of Chloe after her death had been.

His little and sweet son had been in his sisters care while Lucifer had his mental breakdown out of their sight not wanting Trixie to see how utterly broken he was while she was grieving for her mother's death, too.

"You know dad. It still hurts after all this time. Everything. But the worst thing is that you took away her! I love my son and I love Trixie and yet I cannot move on. It is selfish for me to still grieve even after all these years because you had gifted me another miracle. It's ungrateful that I wish her to be still at my side even though in cause of her death I got to know my son. But you are cruel! Why do you do these things?! Why do you have to always destroy my life?! Aren't I your son??? Why do you punish me the most, torture me, take away my happiness when I finally find some and bring trouble whenever I try to rest?!? Do you even care?"

He collapsed into the numb darkness of his mind not noticing how he laid on the ground weeping and howling out to the burning globe while his body was shaking heavily.

Like an insane he cried out as if he loosing his mind shouting and shrieking and punching with his fist against the stone under him.

He had tried to keep his mask on but he couldn't.

Unlike the fall this death had shattered his very soul and heart and he was so sorry he was not able to be the father his son deserved.

He couldn't

He couldn't

He couldn't

Taking one of the glass shards in his hands the devil willed his immortality away. This feat he had accomplished after the night at the bar but kept secret since it would only have made the others worry.

Manipulating the very atoms of this shard Lucifer turned it into a weapon even more dangerous than a demon's blade.

He poured in all his sadness and all his pain sharpening it with each of his tears that were running down his cheeks like water falls.

And then he plunged it directly into his heart.

"I am sorry my love....", whispered a hollow voice into the wind while a demon shouted out his name in panic.

But the fallen angel finally closed his dark brown eyes that have witnessed the good, the bad and the cruel sides of the world, of his family and of humanity.

His haunted unresting soul left the body and as the freaking out demon had reached her old friend his limp head rolled to her with lifeless eyes starring into a empty hollowness before it disintegrated into glowing ash.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crying*


End file.
